The week of the 4th of July is always challenging for our family. We suddenly lost my husband from a blood clot on July 2nd, 2014. I wrote this list and posted it to Facebook 4 years after he died. The words are still true. My boys and I are in a great place in life and I can share that joy and pain can co-exist. I hold one in each hand and choose which to honor at any given point. I hope this message encourages anyone dealing with loss. I also want to give a shout-out to GriefShare. If you or anyone you know ever need a safe place to process your grief, I highly recommend it. https://www.griefshare.org/
1. Pain never completely goes away. You learn to carry the sorrow and joy in a bizarre game of juggling. You have to choose, minute by minute, which you hold. Those rare moments when you hold both simultaneously are the hardest. They are also when you are the most real, and the most whole.
2. Love never dies.
3. I’m surprised at the things I miss about him on a daily basis. They’re not always the most obvious. I miss his “-isms,” his grin, the updates on his biceps, hearing his voice on his voicemail. Mostly, I miss watching him with his boys.
4. There is a Grief Jury. They constantly judge you, and the verdict was decided against you before you had a chance to defend yourself. They can bite me.
5. You learn who your real friends are, not in the weeks following your loss, but in the first year when people who made promises they couldn’t keep slowly drift away. To those who stood by us, and to the new ones who joined along the way, we love you.
6. No one really knows their future. I envy those of you who still think you do.
7. God is real. The love of Jesus is real. The presence of the Holy Spirit is real. The boys and I wouldn’t be where we are today without all 3. When it all boils down, He is the only one who is with you from birth to the grave.
8. Next to Him, Family is everything: Immediate, extended, church, family friends, work family.
9. Joy isn’t something you catch, like the flu. You choose every day to fight like hell for it. Unlike a Wheel of Fortune prize, it’s not yours to keep once you find it. It’s a daily battle, and it’s exhausting. You didn’t see the days I couldn’t get out of bed.
10. Never feel guilty for being happy. Jesus came so we can have abundant life now. Today. Here. This life.
11. It’s no one’s job to make you happy. If your happiness depends upon the existence of another human being, you’re in trouble. See number 7.
12. God truly makes up the difference between the limits of our abilities and the tasks we’re called to complete. Have you been around my boys lately??? I can take credit for about 10% of the good stuff.
13. Love is worth the hell of loss.